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Subject: Pithy quips
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VarpUser is Offline

Posts:479


09 Aug 2007 7:05 PM  
> I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
> I thought, "That's Aboriginal."
>
> This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was
> a turtle disaster.
>
> I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I
> said, "No, permanent."
>
> I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do
you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
>
> I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
> Volkswagen with no driver.
>
> Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went
> T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my
> hand."
>
> I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
> said  "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"
>
> My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.
>
> I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name,
> it's P something T something R.
>
> I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it
> down.
>
> I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just
> went on and on.
>
> The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??
> I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
>
> This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
> He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
>
> I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
> I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you
> anything."
>
> I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip
> outsid my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
>
> This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
>
> I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
> first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"
>
> I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the
> shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two
> counts.
>
> I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar". I
> said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
>
> I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the
> splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or
> Thursdays."
>
> I went to my local Blockbusters and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant
> Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
> He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
Les Varp
[C5] TongehUser is Offline
Il Tongeh

Posts:666


09 Aug 2007 7:17 PM  
get out..


[C5] QueitisUser is Offline

Posts:104


09 Aug 2007 7:35 PM  
Some pretty good ones there
McNutterUser is Offline

Posts:240


09 Aug 2007 9:45 PM  
lol some are kinda funny
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[C5] C3RB3RUSUser is Offline

Posts:307


10 Aug 2007 9:49 AM  
i dont get it....






JK
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